On one of my usual weekend strolls, I happened to come across a relatively old couple, with the woman pushing who I would assume is their son on a wheelchair, physically impaired with what seems to be cerebral palsy. It was a beautiful sight: a simple family who looked like they were enjoying themselves with the sight of the giant Christmas tree posted in the middle of the shopping mall that we were in. But unlike other families, where the son would often be the one to invite his parents to stand in front of the decorations for a picture, all they could do was wheel him along and admire the lights and dingy fake snowmen.
And yet I found their eyes and faces quite relaxed, delightful even. I could never imagine how difficult it must be to have an immobile family member. One would assume that they would look tired after taking care of their son for most of his life, but they were as happy as any of the families inside that mall. What they had with them was a love like no other – a love that could only be felt and understood by people who went through the same ordeal as them, and still had the energy to smile and live their normal lives.
I remembered once again Henri Nouwen, who wrote a book titled Adam: God’s Beloved. On the later years of his life, after searching for a community that would help him find the rest he longed for, Nouwen ended up in Daybreak, a L’Arche community in Canada where he was assigned to take care of Adam, a mentally and physically handicapped member of the community. Nouwen, who lacked even the most basic of practical skills, found it aggravating to work with Adam, but eventually found him to be one of his best friends. Nouwen wrote that Adam taught him so much about love, and that here was someone who would not understand even a lick of Nouwen’s books and ideas, who couldn’t even brush his teeth or eat by himself, and yet he was the center of so much love. He himself was not able to physically and verbally express his love in the usual ways, but neither can it be denied as well that all that Adam did was authentic. Here was someone so helpless, and yet could teach everyone about helping and loving one another.
I do not know anyone personally that comes close to Adam’s situation, but it made me reflect on my attitude towards my grandparents. They are not as strong and as mentally and physically agile as they were a few years ago, and despite knowing this, I feel as if I’ve become more impatient with them, even when I know that I should be the opposite. True enough, I’ve had a rather complicated relationship with them, but the love that arises from our situation now is something that could be found then and there. I have chosen to be more spiteful and resentful rather than to grow in love.
We are often dealt with bad hands, but this is only to provide us with the opportunity to find love in places that no other people outside it could. This is simply a fact of life. I could not see a better love than the one that I’ve seen in that family. But to think I too am capable of such love – well, then there is much to work for.