Nonchalant type of love is the most bullshit thing ever. Isn’t it so ironic that we crave so much for affection and yet retreat when even the slightest bit of interest is given to us? This isn’t to say that people do not have their reasons for such behavior: manipulation through copious amounts of affection is real, but I believe it’s also entirely irrational for us to keep on making this excuse. It just leads to this self-fulfilling prophecy that, from an outside perspective, just looks so stupid.
I believe that at the core of this mess is our inability to realize that we are worthy of a love that is beyond us. We have divorced ourselves from this reality – that we are loved and are capable of loving – and substituted it with the narratives of a culture that so desperately attempts to rationalize its way out of its own contradictions. The result of this is a glossy yet shallow desire to love without foundations, loving for the sake of loving, and an inevitable despair when it is not requited.
There is an inherent pain and agony to love that we want to get rid of. This is like drinking Coke Zero – you want the taste of it without the sugar, not knowing that it can still likely kill you. This is like Christ without the Cross – it is impossible to separate the two, lest you want the Jesus that liberals believe He was (disgusting, blasphemous!). Nonchalant love therefore is an oxymoron. Nonchalant love is not the same as a totally independent love: the latter is founded upon complete trust and knowledge that one is loved by the other, and this frees them into doing things on their own; the former is the result of an unresolved tension within one’s heart, mistaking that a relationship that do not require letting each other’s guards down is what they seek.
Dare I say it: love deeply, and never be afraid of doing so. You always have a choice in the end to keep on pouring your heart to others. Dare not to falter against the other’s manipulations – you will only find true solace and peace when you have let yourself be honest of your own brokenness. Only then will a community of love develop in your heart – a community that is never nonchalant, never manipulative, and never scheming. A community that longs to have you as you.
Long live the lovers. And woe to the nonchalant.